For a long time, I thought stability and good communication were enough…that if you worked hard at a relationship, flow and deeper connection would naturally follow.
But that hasn’t always been true in my experience.
Sometimes two people can share affection, safety, and intimacy… and still miss the spark that makes everything feel alive.
I don’t think that kind of flow comes from effort alone. It seems there are deeper layers of relational style, pacing, and even how each person feels in the relationship.
For example, a relationship can feel emotionally rich yet subtly draining if one person thrives on co-creating and building together, while the other prefers something simpler or more passive. Or if their versions of play and spontaneity don’t really overlap. Over time, both people can end up dimming a little.
I used to make decisions by reasoning through everything. These days, I try to pay more attention to how things feel over time. The pattern of experiences either feel right, or not. Sometimes I know quickly, other times I have to let it unfold. I think most of us have been in situations where our intuition knew something before our intellect caught up.
Note: I think stability and good communication still matter. I just think they’re the starting point, not the whole thing.