For a long time, I thought stability and good communication were enough…that if you worked hard at a relationship, flow and connection would naturally follow.
But they don’t.
Not always.
Sometimes two people can share affection, safety, and even intimacy… and still miss the spark that makes everything feel alive.
That kind of flow doesn’t come from effort alone, there’s a deeper layer of nervous-system compatibility that has to exist.
Mutual affection doesn’t equal reciprocal energy. For example, you can have all the intimate facets (touch, talk, connection), yet still lack the spark of play or a sense of moving forward together. Sometimes a relationship can feel emotionally rich, yet subtly draining, if for example, playfulness is missing and is the thing that makes you feel most alive.
I used to make decisions top-down: over-analysing data, drawing insights, reasoning my way through everything. These days, it’s more bottom-up…the collection of experiences either feels right or doesn’t. Sometimes you know immediately; other times you have to let it unfold until you feel certain of the path. And we’ve all been in situations where our intuition knew the answer long before our intellect caught up.
These days, I don’t analyse connection as much.
I just notice whether my body relaxes or braces.
Whether things flow…or don’t.
That usually tells me everything I need to know.