Overheard in a coffee shop, I’m paraphrasing:

“I think it’s more complicated than that.
Careers and friendships have narrow trajectories. They don’t break you open or challenge your reflexes and emotional range as much as a loving relationship does.
It’s the biggest blank canvas there is… they each have a paintbrush in hand, facing themselves and each other.”

Some comments I found:

  • Credentials and money are not antidotes to the lingering effects of childhood maltreatment.
  • Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death. Many turn their backs to the table and complain how hungry they are and that there is nothing they can eat. They will stand between you and the banquet for however long you let them. So relieve yourself of them by whatever means necessary.
  • One cannot satisfy a thirst by drinking sea water
  • I’m tired of paying taxes to a government that doesn’t represent me, and is actively working against me.
  • The word democracy makes people feel safe…but it doesn’t exist. People are a labor force, that need a kind, but firm hand. There are not nations. There’s Apple, Exxon, and Berkshire Hathaway. Corporations are the real superpower. [Victoria Neumann, The Boys tv series]
  • The entire world is run as an economic machine, constructed with no regard for the collective good of humanity.

Raise Your Standards, Not Your Walls

Dating feels exhausting today not because love has changed, but because our relationship with vulnerability has. We live in a culture of guardedness, where self-protection often takes precedence over connection. And it’s not just happening in dating, it’s a reflection of broader emotional immaturity and avoidance. 



When we avoid facing our insecurities, wounds, and expectations, we end up relating through fear… fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, fear of being seen and not accepted. So they create masks, strategies, games, roles, to maintain a sense of control. But the more control that’s chased, the less intimacy it allows. And without intimacy, dating turns into performance and to nothing healthy/long-lasting.

Thankfully, emotional intelligence is still part of dating, but it’s rare because few people are taught how to cultivate emotional intelligence. As a result, many still operate from their childhood survival strategies, just dressed in adult clothing.

Side note: It’s easy to blame the apps, but I’ve realised they’re just psychological amplifiers. Our unresolved trauma, attachment patterns, and self-worth struggles get reflected at us through gamification, endless comparison, and the emphasis on form over substance.

That’s why you see people chasing chemistry over compatibility, validation over values, attention over authenticity.



If you want to date differently, you must live differently. Be what you’re looking for. Don’t lower your standards to match a trend of emotional detachment, raise your consciousness and let that magnetise those who are on the same path.

You may find fewer people, but they’ll be more aligned.

Dating from the heart in a world that rewards armour isn’t weak, if anything, it’s courageous to risk it despite the landscape. 

Set standards based on your highest values, not your past wounds. When you’re whole within yourself, you stop needing relationships to complete you…and start using them to expand you.

I have the soul of a poet and the mind of an engineer… a disastrous combo for my sanity.

Mirages of Modernity

I visited a city for the first time. I put some thoughts together:

It strikes me as an artificial monument to excess…where refrigerated interiors and arid exteriors reflect a deeper disconnection from nature and humanity. It thrives on spectacle and subjugation: imported labourers build the skyline while the elite applaud the illusion of “efficiency” and “luxury.”
Its environmental negligence isn’t born of necessity. It tries to come off as ambitious, but it’s basically greed dressed as aspiration. Rather than leading as a beacon of sustainable innovation, it becomes a playground for the wealthy, powered by exploited workers and extractive economics.

Notes:

  1. Instead of adapting to its geography with humility, it tries to dominate it…creating islands, mega-malls in defiance of ecological logic.
  2. It mimics Western consumerism and glosses over regional depth for aesthetic conformity.
  3. It postures religious values, but its soul is commodified. Symbols of faith dot the skyline, but ethical care for fellow humans is absent in labour conditions and social equity.
  4. Skyscrapers and imported foliage suggest advancement, but they mask a brittle system: socially and ecologically unsustainable, built on finite resources and infinite marketing.
  5. Most residents are expats on time-limited visas, leading to a city with little emotional or generational continuity. It feels rented, not lived in. It’s hard to belong here.
  6. Its culture isn’t built on art, music, or collective imagination…but on status, luxury cars, and controlled aesthetics. Depth is traded for surface sheen.
  7. A reputation for suppressing dissent, hyper-surveillance, and lack of free expression underscores the shiny surface with an undertone of quiet authoritarianism.

“And what is love, in the end?
…Except the irrational desire to put evolutionary competitiveness aside in order to ease someone else’s journey through life?”

Gabrielle Zevin (2022) Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow. Knopf

Found somewhere in a comments section, and I thought it was super evocative:

You can read every book on meditation.. .but until you sit with your breath, you’re still far from going inward.
You can memorise every theory on swimming…
but until your body touches the water, you’re still dry.
And love is no different.

You can analyse every pattern, quote every psychologist, watch every video.
but until you open your heart and feel, you’re not really tasting the ecstasy of love.
Love was never meant to be dissected under a microscope.
It was meant to be lived.
Messy. Vulnerable. Unscripted.

If Romeo had known about attachment styles, he might have ghosted Juliet.
We are drowning in information and starving for intimacy.
Now, every human emotion comes with a diagnostic label:
They didn’t text? Must be avoidant.
They care too much? Codependent.
They’re hot and cold? Push-pull game.

When you filter every experience through a psychological lens, you forget to feel the actual experience.
Let’s be clear: Awareness of patterns is essential.
But when overused, awareness becomes armour.
And love needs your naked presence.
Not your theories.
It cannot be understood by thought alone.
It must be danced with. Sung to. Breathed in.

The Sufi poets knew this well.
They didn’t seek love that made sense.
They sought love that ruined their plans.
That broke their logic.
That rearranged their soul.

Modern spirituality sells the myth: Once you heal, you’ll attract the perfect partner.
But love doesn’t come as a reward for perfection.
It arrives as a teacher during your imperfection.

So here’s your invitation: Let go of the checklist. The analysis. The fear of not getting it right.
Let yourself fall. Let yourself feel. Let yourself fuck it up.
And let it still be sacred.
Because love is not a concept.
It’s not a label. It’s not a theory to master.

Love is a holy experience.
And you don’t study holiness.
You surrender to it.

Movement, Curiosity, and Depth

I’ve distilled what gives me meaning into three themes: movement, curiosity, and depth. Together, they form a lifestyle centred on exploration.
When I make space for curiosity, the other two tend to follow naturally. It leads to a lot of spontaneity and a sense that life is something to keep discovering rather than mastering.

I’ve come to think less about finding a single overarching purpose and more about collecting deep-dive experiences; journeys that keep me learning, moving, and connecting.

Looking back, I think I’ve been doing this instinctively for a long time. While others might choose a beach getaway to unwind, I’ve often found myself drawn to places like Chernobyl, the West Bank, or the Deep South US (in Oct’25), trying to understand stories and perspectives that are different from my own. And when I have quiet time, I tend to get lost in an engineering concept or a piece of history.

The world often seems to run on profit, ease, and illusion…and for a while, I got caught up in that too. But over time, I realised I was more fulfilled by things that can’t be measured by job titles, promotions, or legacy-building. My work now is to stay curious, to experience fully, and to keep moving toward what feels most alive….and honestly, accept the fact that it’s enough.

The human ego hamstrings us all. Especially if you internalise the messages of your culture. However, if you reject that, learn to love yourself, and understand that most, if not all of us, feel inadequate, not good enough, and crave to be loved and accepted for who we really are, then life becomes easier.