Stability Isn’t the Same as Flow

For a long time, I thought stability and good communication were enough…that if you worked hard at a relationship, flow and connection would naturally follow.

But they don’t.
Not always.

Sometimes two people can share affection, safety, and even intimacy… and still miss the spark that makes everything feel alive.

That kind of flow doesn’t come from effort alone, there’s a deeper layer of nervous-system compatibility that has to exist.
Mutual affection doesn’t equal reciprocal energy. For example, you can have all the intimate facets (touch, talk, connection), yet still lack the spark of play or a sense of moving forward together. Sometimes a relationship can feel emotionally rich, yet subtly draining, if for example, playfulness is missing and is the thing that makes you feel most alive.

I used to make decisions top-down: over-analysing data, drawing insights, reasoning my way through everything. These days, it’s more bottom-up…the collection of experiences either feels right or doesn’t. Sometimes you know immediately; other times you have to let it unfold until you feel certain of the path. And we’ve all been in situations where our intuition knew the answer long before our intellect caught up.

These days, I don’t analyse connection as much.
I just notice whether my body relaxes or braces.
Whether things flow…or don’t.

That usually tells me everything I need to know.

Overheard in a coffee shop:

“I think it’s more complicated than that.
Careers and friendships have narrow trajectories. They don’t break you open or challenge your reflexes and emotional range as much as a loving relationship does.
It’s the biggest blank canvas there is… they each have a paintbrush in hand, facing themselves and each other.”

Some comments I found:

  • Credentials and money are not antidotes to the lingering effects of childhood maltreatment.
  • Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death. Many turn their backs to the table and complain how hungry they are and that there is nothing they can eat. They will stand between you and the banquet for however long you let them. So relieve yourself of them by whatever means necessary.
  • One cannot satisfy a thirst by drinking sea water
  • I’m tired of paying taxes to a government that doesn’t represent me, and is actively working against me.
  • The word democracy makes people feel safe…but it doesn’t exist. People are a labor force, that need a kind, but firm hand. There are not nations. There’s Apple, Exxon, and Berkshire Hathaway. Corporations are the real superpower. [Victoria Neumann, The Boys tv series]
  • The entire world is run as an economic machine, constructed with no regard for the collective good of humanity.

I have the soul of a poet and the mind of an engineer… a disastrous combo for my sanity.

Mirages of Modernity

I visited a city for the first time. I put some thoughts together:

It strikes me as an artificial monument to excess…where refrigerated interiors and arid exteriors reflect a deeper disconnection from nature and humanity. It thrives on spectacle and subjugation: imported labourers build the skyline while the elite applaud the illusion of “efficiency” and “luxury.”
Its environmental negligence isn’t born of necessity. It tries to come off as ambitious, but it’s basically greed dressed as aspiration. Rather than leading as a beacon of sustainable innovation, it becomes a playground for the wealthy, powered by exploited workers and extractive economics.

Notes:

  1. Instead of adapting to its geography with humility, it tries to dominate it…creating islands, mega-malls in defiance of ecological logic.
  2. It mimics Western consumerism and glosses over regional depth for aesthetic conformity.
  3. It postures religious values, but its soul is commodified. Symbols of faith dot the skyline, but ethical care for fellow humans is absent in labour conditions and social equity.
  4. Skyscrapers and imported foliage suggest advancement, but they mask a brittle system: socially and ecologically unsustainable, built on finite resources and infinite marketing.
  5. Most residents are expats on time-limited visas, leading to a city with little emotional or generational continuity. It feels rented, not lived in. It’s hard to belong here.
  6. Its culture isn’t built on art, music, or collective imagination…but on status, luxury cars, and controlled aesthetics. Depth is traded for surface sheen.
  7. A reputation for suppressing dissent, hyper-surveillance, and lack of free expression underscores the shiny surface with an undertone of quiet authoritarianism.

Found somewhere in a comments section, and I thought it was super evocative:

You can read every book on meditation.. .but until you sit with your breath, you’re still far from going inward.
You can memorise every theory on swimming…
but until your body touches the water, you’re still dry.
And love is no different.

You can analyse every pattern, quote every psychologist, watch every video.
but until you open your heart and feel, you’re not really tasting the ecstasy of love.
Love was never meant to be dissected under a microscope.
It was meant to be lived.
Messy. Vulnerable. Unscripted.

If Romeo had known about attachment styles, he might have ghosted Juliet.
We are drowning in information and starving for intimacy.
Now, every human emotion comes with a diagnostic label:
They didn’t text? Must be avoidant.
They care too much? Codependent.
They’re hot and cold? Push-pull game.

When you filter every experience through a psychological lens, you forget to feel the actual experience.
Let’s be clear: Awareness of patterns is essential.
But when overused, awareness becomes armour.
And love needs your naked presence.
Not your theories.
It cannot be understood by thought alone.
It must be danced with. Sung to. Breathed in.

The Sufi poets knew this well.
They didn’t seek love that made sense.
They sought love that ruined their plans.
That broke their logic.
That rearranged their soul.

Modern spirituality sells the myth: Once you heal, you’ll attract the perfect partner.
But love doesn’t come as a reward for perfection.
It arrives as a teacher during your imperfection.

So here’s your invitation: Let go of the checklist. The analysis. The fear of not getting it right.
Let yourself fall. Let yourself feel. Let yourself fuck it up.
And let it still be sacred.
Because love is not a concept.
It’s not a label. It’s not a theory to master.

Love is a holy experience.
And you don’t study holiness. You surrender to it.

Movement, Curiosity, and Depth

I’ve distilled what gives me meaning into three themes: movement, curiosity, and depth. Together, they form a lifestyle centred on exploration.
When I make space for curiosity, the other two tend to follow naturally. It leads to a lot of spontaneity and a sense that life is something to keep discovering rather than mastering.

I’ve come to think less about finding a single overarching purpose and more about collecting deep-dive experiences; journeys that keep me learning, moving, and connecting.

Looking back, I think I’ve been doing this instinctively for a long time. While others might choose a beach getaway to unwind, I’ve often found myself drawn to places like Chernobyl, the West Bank, or the Deep South US (in Oct’25), trying to understand stories and perspectives that are different from my own. And when I have quiet time, I tend to get lost in an engineering concept or a piece of history.

The world often seems to run on profit, ease, and illusion…and for a while, I got caught up in that too. But over time, I realised I was more fulfilled by things that can’t be measured by job titles, promotions, or legacy-building. My work now is to stay curious, to experience fully, and to keep moving toward what feels most alive. It’s how I explore meaning and stay engaged with the world.

The human ego hamstrings us all. Especially if you internalise the messages of your culture. However, if you reject that, learn to love yourself, and understand that most, if not all of us, feel inadequate, not good enough, and crave to be loved and accepted for who we really are, then life becomes easier.